The Secret to Desire in Long Term Relationships
When people are in long term relationships, it is often common for the spark of passion to fade over time. For the first few months or years of a relationship, the desire couples feel for one another can be overwhelming. However, that passion can fade over time if couples do not work to keep it alive.
By the time people reach retirement they have been with their partner for decades. For a relationship to sustain passion couples have to know some tips and tricks to keep the desire alive. Here are some tools you can use to keep the desire alive in your relationship over the long-term.
The reason that desire is so hard to sustain over the long-term is that there are two opposing forces that need to be present in order to keep a relationship alive. First, you need your partner to provide you with a feeling of safety and security. You need your partner to be someone you can count on. On the other hand, you also need your partner to be someone who can surprise you and give you that delicious feeling of unpredictability that makes desire blossom. Although it is asking for a lot, you need your partner to provide you with both of these aspects if you want your passion to flow well from the time you are young through your retirement years.
Understanding the Difference Between Love and Desire
Love is having someone. Desire is wanting someone. When you have someone, that is when you get that feeling of safety that is so important in relationships. Unfortunately, that feeling of safety and security actually kills desire. In order to want someone, you have to be surprised by them. You need to feel a sense of unpredictability from your partner if you are going to feel passionate about them. Most people do not know how to balance these two forces, and they therefore settle for love without desire all too often.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
One of the easiest ways that you can ensure that your passion for one another remain strong over the years is to spend time apart from one another regularly. When you spend time apart, you will start to miss and desire your partner. If you spend every day together, you never have a chance to feel that sense of anticipation and longing that is key to keeping desire alive. If the romance seems to be dead in your relationship, spending some time apart may be just the thing to rekindle your passion for one another.
Watch Partners in Their Element
One of the best ways for couples to rekindle desire is to watch their partners engage in an activity they are passionate about. If you only see your partner doing everyday things at home, the relationship can become boring. You need to see your partner engage with an activity with passion if you want to feel desire bloom. Seeing your partner doing something they love with passion and excitement will make them seem exciting and mysterious, taking you back to those early days of your relationship when the passion you felt for one another was consuming.
Know What Fuels Your Desire
You cannot expect your partner to make you feel passionate if you do not know what makes you feel desire. You also need to know what turns your desire off. You need to sit down and think about these two aspects of your relationship. Once you understand what fuels and diminishes your desire, you will know what you need to do to make the romance bloom in your relationship once again.
People often mistakenly think that relationships need to be completely open to be successful. In fact, you need to have room for privacy in your relationship if you want desire to sustain itself. You have to have some room for fantasies and private thoughts that you keep just to yourself if you want your passion to flourish.
When couples keep these things in mind, long term relationships can keep desire alive for decades. Just realise that it takes hard work to keep the passion alive. Forget about having some kind of storybook romance where desire flows effortlessly. You need to constantly work at it if you want your passion to remain present over the long term.